Hello from CCV

Gosh, a lot’s been happening on my blog the last few days. LOL, when I started this blog, I thought no one would read!

First of all, I cannot write another word until I thank you all (both my blogging friends and supportive readers), from the bottom of my chocolate-covered heart, for the tremendous amount of kindness you’ve all shown to me—especially in these last two days. I am actually really happy that a few negative anonymous comments were left on my blog, because they triggered so many amazingly sweet comments in response, and I was tearing up with every one I read (no joke)!

On to more yucky territory that unfortunately must be covered. At first, I was planning to not address the anonymous comments left. After all, I know that I am healthy and happy, so what does it matter to me if a stranger wishes to assume I am not? And it’s not like I’ve never heard people tell me before that I look skeletal; I’ve learned to deal with that too and let the insult slip off my shoulders.

However, upon giving it further thought, I realized that as someone who’s chosen to publish information to the public, I do have a responsibility. Like it or not, the words I write on my blog have the potential to influence others. And the LAST (beyond last) thing I want is for someone to develop an eating disorder—or become more deeply entrenched in an eating disorder—because of me. Therefore, by choosing to make my life public on this blog, I guess I owe it to you—my readers—to give y’all more information about me so that NO ONE can turn around and say to a parent, doctor, or friend, “But CCV doesn’t eat much and is underweight, and if she's allowed to be that way, then I can be too.” So here is more about me than most of you probably ever wanted to know:

Do I eat a low-calorie diet? Not on your life! I won’t get into numbers, because I know people can get obsessive about that (and also, I don’t count calories). But I can tell you that I eat A LOT—more than my parents, more than my girl friends, more than my sister, etc. Because I am so little and so active, I need to take in quite a lot of fuel. For example, I normally eat two breakfasts—a pre-run breakfast and a post-run breakfast. (My sister has taken to calling me “Hobbit” because the hobbits in Lord of the Rings eat two breakfasts and lots of snacks.) I then eat lunch, an afternoon snack, dinner, and a nighttime snack. I never skip meals.

I know I’m really lucky that I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. If I want to have a cupcake, I’m going to have it—no guilt involved. That being said, if I want to have a salad, I’m going to have it. But be assured that if you see me eating a salad, I have accounted for it by taking in extra fuel at other meals/snacks. I do not eat only salad all day. Yes, much of my diet is very healthy—fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, etc. I refuse to let someone guilt me into stuffing down a regular diet of five cupcakes a day just because it’ll make him or her feel better about him or her self. If you have such low self-esteem that seeing me gorge on junk food is going to make you feel better, then the issue is with you, not me (I don’t mean to state this bluntly, but I can’t seem to find a nicer way to put it). The fact of the matter is that I just don’t like too much sugar; it makes me feel sluggish. (Chocolate is a different story; I’ll eat chocolate in some form almost every day.)

To answer a specific question I received: I’ve already stated my reasoning for using Smart Balance Light. Here it is again: By myself, I don’t use much butter, so when I want some, I just mooch off the one my parents buy. They buy Smart Balance Light because they are watching their weights. Believe me; the measly 30 calories/tbsp I’m missing by not having regular Smart Balance are not going to have an effect on my weight one way or the other. I definitely do not shy away from the healthy fats-- in fact, peanut butter, in particular, is one of my favorite foods.

So how do I know I am eating enough? Well, I make sure to eat when I’m hungry (intuitive eating) and I don’t exclude any food groups, but I also try not to go more than three hours without eating something, because I know that people who are active sometimes need to take in calories even when they’re not hungry. I definitely believe that one should listen to one’s body and eat when one is hungry. I also think that if you’re truly craving a particular food, you should eat it, because life is short and should therefore be enjoyed to the fullest. You do not want to look back on your life when you’re old and gray and think to yourself, “Gosh, I wish I’d been more lenient in my diet.”

When I first started running, back in high school, I did unintentionally overdo it by running too much without upping my food intake enough. I lost weight without realizing it, and my periods stopped. So I cut back on the running, took in more calories, and gained the weight back.

I know that all of you anonymous commenters want to know exactly how much I weigh now. Well, I’m not going to feed into your eating disorders or number obsessions by telling you that. Yes, by chart standards I would be classified as being underweight. But not everyone fits a black-and-white mold. My doctor thinks my weight is healthy for me (back in high school, I even saw a Cardiologist, and she proclaimed my heart to be perfectly healthy), my family thinks my weight is healthy for me, and I think my weight is healthy for me. So please do not leave insults on my blog using the guise that “you’re trying to HELP me”. I definitely think it’s a wiser thing for me to listen to my doctor than to take the “well-meaning” advice of some anonymous commenter I don’t even know.

Why do I run/bike/exercise if I’m already so skinny? I do it to be healthy AND because I love being active. Initially, a coach told me I would be a good runner and got me interested in running. Nowadays, I just run for fun—I don’t even keep track of the amount of miles I run. I’ll get up in the mornings and go jogging for about an hour then walk for a few minutes to cool down. I don't go every day; it's more like 5 times a week, as I want to give my body time to rest. I also do some weight-lifting to strengthen my bones (and I wouldn't complain about getting some bigger arm muscles! No, I do not like my stick-like arms). I love to ride my bike as well, because A. it saves gas money, B. it is better for the environment, and C. it's fun! But as I said, I DO take all of this exercise into account when I decide how much to eat. If I really wasn't taking in the proper nutrition, I doubt I'd have the energy to be as active as I am.

As I’ve written in my profile, my grandma and my mom were both my size growing up (I have pictures to prove it), and they are both very physically healthy ladies to this day (my grandma is 86!).

For some reason, it’s taboo to tell someone he/she is overweight, but not to tell him/her “You look sick/skeletal/ill.” Come on, people, do you think I don’t already know I’m extremely skinny without you pointing it out to me? What is your goal in leaving cruel, anonymous comments on my blog to point this out to me? I’m going to turn the tables and suggest something to YOU: Instead of spending your free time putting people down on their blogs, why don’t you spend that time volunteering for a worthy cause. Believe me, it’ll make you feel MUCH better about yourselves (and it’s a much more noble way to spend time!).

To all of my wonderful wonderful WONDERFUL blogging friends (I can't stress your "wonderfulness" enough)-- I’ll get around to visiting all of your blogs later tonight and tomorrow. I definitely am way behind in commenting/blog visiting. For now, though, I think I’m going to take a break from the computer, since I’m tired from writing the story of my life!

Love,
CCV


P.S. Please don't waste time writing a mean comment on this post, as I will just delete it. The comments don't really bother me (since, as I said, I know I'm healthy, so it doesn't matter what a stranger thinks), but there comes a time when enough's enough.

P.P.S. If you do have a genuine concern/interest, I am always available by email: veggieprincess@msn.com

P.P.P.S. I do NOT mean, with this post, to offend ANYONE who does have an eating disorder, be it anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, etc. Although I can't say I personally know what you all are going through, I know that an eating disorder is a serious illness. If anyone who reads this blog ever feels offended by anything I post, please don't hesitate to email me and let me know, and I will try to remedy it. I don't want to add to the pain or suffering that anyone with an eating disorder is going through.